Marriage as a mundane and boring non-profit business – but in a good way!

In The Atlantic, Lori Gottlieb’s article, “Marry Him!The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” advises women to heed just what the title indicates. While it’s certain to be an argument-starter, it’s also a very interesting read, regardless of how you feel about her views. Here are some excerpts:

What I didn’t realize when I decided, in my 30s, to break up with boyfriends I might otherwise have ended up marrying, is that while settling seems like an enormous act of resignation when you’re looking at it from the vantage point of a single person, once you take the plunge and do it, you’ll probably be relatively content. It sounds obvious now, but I didn’t fully appreciate back then that what makes for a good marriage isn’t necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way. (Emphasis added)

and…

Settling is mostly a women’s game. Men settle far less often and, when they do, they don’t seem the least bit bothered by the fact that they’re settling.

and finally this …

But then my married friends say things like, “Oh, you’re so lucky, you don’t have to negotiate with your husband about the cost of piano lessons” or “You’re so lucky, you don’t have anyone putting the kid in front of the TV and you can raise your son the way you want.” I’ll even hear things like, “You’re so lucky, you don’t have to have sex with someone you don’t want to.”

The lists go on, and each time, I say, “OK, if you’re so unhappy, and if I’m so lucky, leave your husband! In fact, send him over here!”

Not one person has taken me up on this offer.

I initially saw this article posted on VC and the comments there are almost as interesting as the article. There’s also an interview with Lori concerning the article here.

Update: The men respond here. Actually, it’s Dr. Helen Smith’s post, but a ton of male comments follow (along with some comments by women). Perhaps this puts a whole new spin on John Edwards’ “Two Americas” – apparently it’s split on gender lines, not class I had no idea that there was this much discontent out there.

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